Steven Wrightisms
Journal Entry: Wed Sep 8, 2004, 11:39 AM
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had
been stolen... and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things
differently than many do, to our amusement. Here are some more of his gems:
1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2- Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3- Half the people you know are below average.
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
9- All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19- I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
Devious Comments
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[link]
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rebelling against meaningful art since 1992
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Hey, I'm another gigcast fan - tho' careful with the strong words on the show, my daughter listens in too!
thanks.
STALKER. (kidding.)
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Share art with others, but remember that though you share it, it is still your own work, your thoughts, your feelings. Keep only your own expecations in mind to unlock your true potential. You are your worst critic. Use it as an advantage.
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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[link] <- the ' i wanna kidnap Roxas' club
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eep! what'd i do?
Dude, thanks for the watch! I'm a huge fan of the Gigcast, so I'm honored. Keep up the awesome show!
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~Neil
Dasien - Superhero Girly Goodness
www.dasiencomic.com
Member of:
~Gen13-Club
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Share art with others, but remember that though you share it, it is still your own work, your thoughts, your feelings. Keep only your own expecations in mind to unlock your true potential. You are your worst critic. Use it as an advantage.
--
Love Zombies? xX ~Brain-Damaged Xx
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Droakir - The FutureDragon
"Who said dragons don't exist?"
I am known as "Varied One"! All shall cower at my multimedia prowess!
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
--
Droakir - The FutureDragon
"Who said dragons don't exist?"
I am known as "Varied One"! All shall cower at my multimedia prowess!
--
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."
~Aristotle
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